You know there’s a story that you’ve heard and read about a young man (a second son) that asks his dad for his inheritance. Culturally, it’s a ridiculous request because it not only doesn’t work that way (inheritance comes when the father passes away), but also because it isn’t something like today where you go to the bank and pull out some money. Lands and animals had to be sold.

Nevertheless, he makes the demand. You can imagine him saying, “I’m the second son. I deserve a portion. You owe me.”

Anyway, the way the story goes, the young man wastes it all. And then realizes he’s better off back at home – so he makes his way home – hoping his dad will welcome him back (even just as a hired hand).

The older brother, as the story is told, stayed at home, working the whole time for his dad. And when he notices that his dad does indeed welcome his younger brother back, he’s angry. He complains to his dad that all this time he’s worked there, faithfully, and no party has been held for him and his friends, like the party the dad is now throwing, celebrating the younger son’s return.

He’s saying, in essence, “I’m the older son. I’ve worked hard all these years. I deserve a party. You owe me.”

Both kids make the same mistake. They both get caught in the “I deserve…” game. Both end up thinking that their dad owes them.

The world is filled with people who think the world owes them.

The world is filled with people keeping track of what they’ve done and what they deserve.

And because of that, they live transactionally.

What I mean by that is that they’re keeping score. I did this. So you owe me that.

They keep score at work.

They keep score at home.

They keep score at church.

They keep score everywhere.

Don’t live like that. Don’t keep score.

The context of that story, as you know, is that it’s part of a trio of stories….where most people only pay attention to that one – the third in the series.

But the first story is of a sheep that wanders off and has an owner that goes to find it.

The second story is of a coin that gets lost, and has an owner that goes to find it.

The sheep wanders off. It doesn’t “deserve” to be found.

The coin is likely lost by the actual person who goes looking. They don’t “deserve” to find it.

But the point of these three stories, for me, and for you, is that it’s silly to play that scorekeeping game where we’re trying to figure out exactly what everyone deserves.

In your lives your mother and I have often given you far more (or far less) than you deserve.

I hope you can recall the number of times you found yourself a bit lost and we went looking for you.

I hope you can recall the number of times you didn’t deserve great things and we still gave them to you.

We weren’t keeping score. Love doesn’t live transactionally.

The generosity you’ve seen us live out is a highlight of our approach – and one I challenge you to continue.

  • Don’t keep score.
  • Keep your ears open to people’s hurts or struggles.
  • Ask yourself if you can do anything about them.
  • Do what you can – even if it requires a bit of sacrifice.
  • Be generous.

This is what I want you think about when you read “Don’t live transactionally.”

The world doesn’t owe you anything.

But like I said, the world is filled with people who think they’re owed.

Don’t be one of them.